how long will i be kept here waiting?

camp is 18 days from ending.
i'm actually sad.
very sad.
i very well may cry.
that's all.

i'm updating for maytal. i wonder if she'll read it.
camp is really good. i never want to leave this environment but i now it'll be the end of august soon and i'll have to go home. i'm preparing myself to say goodbye to these wonderful people. they are so amazing and i hope i can call them my friends forever.
other than that, not much is new. went to boston to see nate. it was good. i miss him and i'm glad i got to see him physically.


that's it. i hope everything at home is fine. i assume it is.

love
allie

i'm not really sure what to update. but everything's good. the first session of camp is already over. only 5 more weeks and i'll be home! hopefully i'll go see pirates 2 tomorrow. that's it. send me mail!

allison eng
camp marist
route 25 east
effingham, NH
03882

I am at camp.

i just ate 3 cupcakes for breakfast. this is how i celebrate being 20 years old. woo!

I went to Playland yesterday and played frisbee for hours, almost told Nate that I loved him, crammed 7 people in an instant photo booth, ate funnel cake, and went on roller coasters. It was a glorious day!

Why do I try, why is it so hard, why is everything so unstable, and why why why haven't I learned by now. I can't stop from caring, but I want to so bad.

ow ow ow ow ow

On Friday we went to Nate's Mom's house in Cornwall and started our weekend with a small party.
Saturday we practiced and then played the show (under the name Open Star Clusters) at the VFW.
After the show we went to Danbury for Molly's and Nate Baker's Bday parties.
Sunday me and Nate went back to Cornwall to clean up from Friday night. On the way he showed me his old houses and the roads he used to ride on his bike.
We also stopped and said hi to Rob Silk.
On the way home we stopped in Kent for dinner, then we met up with Anja and Derek in town. We went home early to catch some sleep.

It was a good and long weekend and I'm very satisfied by it. Thanks to everyone who came to the show on Saturday, I hope you liked it!

I mildly broke down last night. I have the tendencies to over analyze body language and behaviors. It’s like I can’t control my own mind from forming these half-wit ideas that only upset me. I know it’s ridiculous and I’m trying to learn how to deal with it.




whatever
if i could sum up my feelings about my life right now in one word, that would be it.

Ma, ma, look what I did to my hands,
I broke them
You gave me a stone, gave me a chisel,
But didn’t tell me how to hold them.

Police in Memphis, Tenn., reported in October that they had closed down a crack house on Rosamond Street, a task made easier because the resident usually announced the start of business hours by hanging out a sign reading, "Crack House."

I keep trying to write a serious journal entry about how I'm feeling right now but the words aren't flowing properly and i need to get it right.
So, we're going to do a bullet entry.
Things I am Digging, or not:

Digging:

waking up everyday next to the same boy
my friends who make New Milford worth staying in
the kick ass glass and bead necklace i made for katy
the dirty projectors
brooklyn weisse edition beer (so tasty)
puppies.
the massive artwork forever on my back.

Not:
camp is approaching too fast
people who can't accept the fact that -shit happens!-
people who can't seem to give me any space
professions of love through email. ugh.
the drama at cendant. i thought i left high school 2 years ago.
being too tired all the time.

that's all i can think of right now. we both know there's more, but i'm at work , so there's no time.

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Jordan Heritage

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite candy)

Ching Twix

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

A-ENG -i only have 3 letters in my last name

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, name of high school)

Jaguar Greenwave (i cheated)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Michelle Aurora

6. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of dad/mom, cell phone Company you use)

Kenneth Verizon

7. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)

Engderpuf

8. PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, street you grew up on)

Michelle Erickon

9. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left, favorite restaurant)

Stapler Chuck's.

or not...

Damn teddy geiger, ashley parker angel, bo bice, and all you stupid sappy singer/songwriters and who manage to come up with the poppiest shit since nsync.


my twinkle fun zone. i will miss you (to the extreme!)




someone make me less fucking depressed about moving back in with my parents. please.

Why is everyone freaking out lately?

May 1st I move back home
June 19th I go to camp
August 18th I come home from camp



nothing new.

I have such a huge headache and I don't care about this job. These people are seriously retarded and I can't deal with them anymore.

Last night went from good to bad to surprising and I'm still trying to swallow it. hah...swallow...